A Battle With the Dragon
How do you stop a decision when you’ve already somewhat made it? When a thought was unexpectedly implanted into your mind, giving way for an opportunity to escape in a time coming up soon. Even though you haven’t partaken of anything yet, it does not much matter– since all peace within you has been stripped anyway, now causing an internal battle to take place that not many understand. You have, in a sense, relapsed: but not quite yet.
Now the time seems to be dragging; and the opportunity that lays ahead can’t come soon enough: but you also don’t want it to come soon enough, or even at all; therefore, you seem to be split up in who you are.
You get down on your knees and pray to God, asking for him to remove this opportunity and thoughts from out of your way–and hoping for Him to restore you to the peaceful way of life you were since living just an hour ago.
Now around your family you are not the same man that your were earlier: you are now side tracked and are thinking about other things; even darker things. In one direction your thoughts have turned toward being manipulative so that you can get what you want and still feeling good about things. And in the other direction they are towards regret: but what do you have to regret when nothing has happened yet?
You know that you are going to find your way to escaping in the near future if you do not change up your schedule; though you don’t want to change your schedule because such a schedule change will be noticed by many: many of whom are not capable of understanding the WAR that is taking place in your addict mind, therefore, the schedule change will come off as being weird and misunderstood. Also, you are not sure that you even want the schedule change to take place anyway, because that would mean no escape would take place; and in your mind you have already escaped, so it will be hard to turn back on those already euphoric thoughts.
You have been doing so good lately: and you know from dealing with this disease for many years, that just one time will lead to loud whispers from Opiate on the following day–and even weeks to come. You see His negative side, but for some reason the other side, or His quick and immediate false side, seems to be brighter in your mind, even though He is nothing more than darkness posing as brightness.
This is the WAR