Another Replay

Another Replay

Part 4 of 4

“Listen to you again? Why are you like this? You truly are pathetic” – The Dragon

I wonder if he will give me another Adderal? No, I don’t need another Adderal, I’ve already had three; however, my buddies only think that I’ve had one because I strategically asked each one of them for one without the other knowing, since all three of them have their own private stash in their pack. I do want another one though, but that would mean stealing one out of their pack- but I don’t want to do that. Maybe I’ll just ask the one buddy, who I’m fairly confident will give me another one. My other two buddies won’t do it, but my one buddy shouldn’t have a problem with it if I pitch it the right way. In the mean time I’ll have another cigarette. If I can’t get another Adderal maybe I’ll start drinking a little bit; I know that there is whiskey back at the camp. I need to slow down with these cigarettes. I don’t usually smoke cigarettes, but they are great right now since the come down off of Adderal hurts so badly. Maybe I should try fishing for a little bit before I have another- yeah, that’s what I’ll do.

Man this come down hurts so bad, maybe I’ll read my scriptures. I have to read my scriptures because this come down hurts so bad. I want to get back on the light path, but my mind seems to be so dark right now. Is it time for another cigarette? What about some pot? -I don’t want to take another Adderal. Oh please God help me to stop. Please help me to not take another Adderal; please help me with my thinking. Please give me some happy thoughts; I hate how I feel right now.

That last cigarette made me feel better, and it’s getting late in the day. I don’t want to take another Adderal. I’m just going to smoke some more pot, and maybe take a horn off of that whiskey. It’s been five hours since my last Adderal; hopefully some happy thoughts will start creeping back into my mind. The weed helped a little, but now I seem to be worrying about things I can’t control. I feel like God is so far away from me right now; I need to go read my scriptures. The constant scripture study seems to bring some slight peace back into my soul, but it’s only followed by the want to have another head change from a cigarette, or some pot, or some whiskey. Thank goodness for the scriptures, for without their guiding light right now I’d be completely lost. I hope I can get the spirit back into my heart and soul, for without the spirit I can’t be who I need to be; I can’t fight the WAR with my addiction without Christ’s guiding influence in my life.

I still feel really irritable and down even though I have drank a bunch of whiskey, and have smoked pot and cigarettes in abundance. I still can’t feel how I want to feel. I brought some Valium to help me sleep since we are in the backcountry for three days, and I don’t usually sleep very well in a tent. I know the Valium will help, but have I drank too much to take a Valium? I always get a little nervous when I mix drinking and tranquilizers for fear of the combination slowing me down too much to where I might not wake up. Maybe I’ll just take half of the Valium to just to play it safe. Hopefully this half of Valium will slow me down, but also lift my mood, so that I can then relax and enjoy the night’s campfire; if it doesn’t, then I will take the other half, and possibly another half until it does.

Read Part 1: The Trip

Read Part 2: The Trip Replay

Read Part 3: The Power of Amphetamine