“You’re pathetic, and I love it; let me replay how you sound”
The Trip Drive
I just need to make it through the five-hour car ride. If I can make it through the car ride without escaping, I will be happy with myself. It does, however-sound fun to smoke a little pot, but I don’t want to smoke pot right now, it’ll make me weird and will completely change the day. Maybe if I just have a few beers it will make the car ride a lot funner, and plus, my one buddy who is driving has no problem staying clear all of the time. Nope, I’m not going to do it. I’m going to stay in reality the entire car ride, and then when we get there maybe I’ll reward myself with a few beers, but I don’t want to.
Yes, I made it; well, I pretty much made it. We are only an hour away–should I get a 12-pack for when that hour ends? I don’t really want to, but I’m tired of battling in my head, and a few beers does sound nice–so why not. Maybe I should get some prime time cigarettes as well. I like to smoke prime times when I’m drinking, and I’m on vacation now–so why not again.
That first beer went down nice and fast, but I need to be careful of how fast I drink these because everyone else is just casually sipping their beers, but I seemed to have downed mine with a quickness. I don’t want them to think that I’m weird, but they probably won’t even notice so I’ll just keep going at the pace that I want to go at. Everything will be fine, and I’m on vacation so it really doesn’t matter anyway.
These beers have got me lifted, and now I’m starting to think about some pot. Yeah, it’s time to smoke some pot. It’ll make me even happier, and I love the eight-beer pot combination; that combination always seems to put me on top.
Oh wow, I’m really lifted now. I hope my families okay. I hope everything’s okay at home. Why did I do this? This trip is going to be so hard on me. I’ve got five more days of this battle. How am I going to do it? I already want to escape at a high level right now, imagine what the days to come are going to be like. I’m tripping out right now; I just need to relax; everything will be fine–I hope. Maybe if I drink another beer it’ll even me out from the affects of the pot. Yeah, that’s exactly what I’ll do; in fact, maybe I’ll take a horn off of that whiskey, I’m sure that’ll do the trick.
I’m so glad we are finally here around the campfire; I should stop drinking though. These cigarettes make me feel so good while I’m drinking; I’m so glad that I bought this pack of Marlboro Lights, which should be plenty, at least for tonight. Maybe I’ll buy some more for the backcountry. No, I won’t get more for the backcountry. I don’t even smoke cigarettes, so why would I need some for the three days in the backcountry? I’m planning on remaining clear anyway while I’m back there–at least that is my hope. I’ll just keep partying tonight because this is it; I’m spending the remainder of the trip clear. I can do it.
Please help me to slow down Heavenly Father. I don’t want to continue on this dark path for the remainder of the trip. Please help me to go into the backcountry tomorrow and be content with being clear. I can’t do my life without you; I’m scared to do my life without you; I’m scared right now, so please help me to get back on track, and please forgive me of my weaknesses. I want to live the clear life so bad, and I do pretty well while I’m in my safe routine, but once I step out of that safe routine, I always seem to falter and fall, then regressing back towards my old self. Thank you for my life and my family, and please watch over them while I’m off escaping; and please watch over me while I’m off escaping.