Oh man, I wanna do something tonight. I’ve gotta do something tonight. I feel like I can endure no longer. I just wanna escape reality for a time and cut loose. What can I do? Should I smoke some Pot? If I smoke some Pot it won’t be that hard on me; Pot won’t drive my spirituality away. It won’t be as hard on me as taking a few percocets would; oh, but wait, should I take a few Percocets? Oh man, a few Percocets would be perfect for tonight; then I could just chill, hang out with my wife and kids, and just relax, not having to think about anything. I don’t know though. How would I get the Percocets? I guess I could make a few calls, but it’s been so long I don’t really know anyone anymore. I could pretend like I hurt my back and see if I could stir some up that way, but I don’t wanna lie and be dishonest. Maybe I could fake like my back went out and then call my sister who just had a baby; I know she’s got some Percocets. Maybe that would work, but then again that would be dishonest and I don’t want to be dishonest. I wonder if my grandparents have any Percocets? Wait, I can’t call grandparents and ask them for Percocets, that’s ridiculous, just stop thinking about the damn Percocets. Maybe I should just smoke some pot. If I just smoked some pot I wouldn’t have to lie; however Pots not as fun as the percocets. Pot gives me anxiety in a unique way, and I’m not even sure that I wanna go there, and plus I’ll have to go through the time consuming run around. Maybe I should just drink. Maybe I’ll plan a dinner date with the wife and have a few Long Islands with dinner. Yeah that sounds good, but what’s my wife going to think when I order a few drinks with dinner? She knows how hard I have to work to live a clear life; is she going freak out, and get mad?
Who knows what I should do. Why can’t I just keep feeling at peace like I have been? Why is it that when I start feeling good, then is the time my peace seems to be stolen? I don’t really want take any of these substances because I know they will rip my peace away even further, making it so I have to fight a vigorous WAR to get back on track. Maybe I’ll go on a long jog, and I’ll make my decision after. Man I hope I can control this itch of mine. I’ve been doing so good, and I don’t want the monotonous relapse cycle to come again. Maybe I’ll go on a jog and take my scriptures with me, where I’ll read, meditate, and pray after the jog. Hopefully this will calm the itch, and my spiritual peace will return. Oh how I hope this is what happens…